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At this moment you are happy.
You live for this moment of absolute tenderness, nagging your soul of gratitude for what is good to Him.
Now He is truly yours, in you and in you.

With you.
You are afraid that He will understand how you depend on Him.
You convince Him and yourself: “This is just sex.”
He is less and less with you: then tired, then busy.
You do not want to notice anything, you drive a compassionate friend trying to open your eyes.
You write to him vulgar messages, and in private you are silently cowardly.
You saw Him in a cafe with this girl.
She is so beautiful! How he looked at her! You’re lying stupidly, buried in a pillow.
Slams the door.
He enters and sits on the bed.
“Hi!” You are silent.
Undresses, lies next, hugs you.
He smells of another woman.

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“And if I do not want to?” – you have never denied Him.
He bounces on you, He knows exactly how you like.
You lie, indifferently looking at the ceiling.
He is trying to look into your eyes, but you abruptly turn away.
You feel like a rubber doll.
You hurt and nasty.
And sorry for all the rubber dolls.
“What are you thinking about?” – “About your own, about female”.
“Let’s think together?” – “Why?” So we talked! He does not know what to do.
He never saw you like this.
He dresses and leaves, slamming the door in a rage.
It’s just ugly! “No wonder He doesn’t want me anymore! How can you even want me? Ugly! Mymra!” You’re going crazy without Him.
You want to be cured.
That boy at the party – what’s his name? – Carries you all evening on hands, builds himself macho and looks with calf eyes.

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You leave together, and then you, sipping red wine, for an hour listen to his timid chatter.
No one ever listened to him like that.
You can do it.
You start looking at his pumped body.
I wonder, is he older than that girl? You bathe in frank admiration, you listen to how beautiful you are.
The boy has impatient hands and wet lips.
You mysteriously smile and whisper: “I will turn off the light.”
You go to the door, click the switch.
and leave.
You run to Him.
To him.
“If you don’t fuck me now, then.
“-” So what? “Like you crash into a wall and keep quiet.
He rudely tears off your clothes and throws you on the bed.
He does not want to face you, He takes you from behind without caresses and tenderness.
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