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and who would burn with such a desire – for what reason? Realizing their explicit or hidden, intelligible or vague homoerotic impulses, the guys fucked the guys, and the Goblin was already fifty – and to whom he, the gray-balding family man, father of his adult daughter, was needed with his secret, unseen desire? This is the first.
And secondly, in adolescence or in early youth, all this happens, as a rule, spontaneously, easily and recklessly, and this has its own, quite intelligible explanation: age itself, impulsive, curious, thirsting for unexplored, often pushes boys, adolescents , guys to each other – to taste, try, experience.
and they fuck, get high, enjoy – alone, secretly.

fuck, reveling in the sweetness of same-sex sex! And when a thirsty homosexual sex is no longer a boy, and even not a very boy, it is silly and ridiculous for him to wait, to hope that someone will want him, seduce, harass.
who needs it! Goblin wanted, even thirst for same-sex sex, but he did not know how he wanted to put it into action – how to quench his thirst.
and how would he know that? In this case, I needed some experience, I needed skills, and Goblin.
what did he know-know how in that direction? Nothing.
Two partners in my whole life, and those – at the time of careless, reckless youth – everything then turned out for Goblin by itself: a young lieutenant, on Sunday, who ordered the Goblin to come to his apartment, at that same apartment, merrily looking Goblin in the eye, spread his fingers confidently, tenaciously stamped his hand between him, the Goblin, between his legs, and the Goblin, who had not expected anything like it, trembled for a moment.

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that’s all, for a moment, surprised, the Goblin immediately surrendered easily to the power of lieutenant hands.
and with the youth secretary in a double room of the hotel, after drinking vodka, it turned out even easier: when the Goblin, who had fallen asleep and suddenly woke up, emerged from a short sleep, opened his eyes, his secretary, excited Goblin, was already “processing” everything, and all that it was necessary to make Goblin, to tell the secretary “turn backwards!”, – there were two partners in the life of Goblin, and both times the young Goblin was in the designation: he was nothing – absolutely nothing! – he did not undertake to bring himself closer, but only did not push away the thirsty from himself, and that was quite enough – at the time of his youth.
and now, after three decades, the gray-haired Goblin, after a long oblivion himself desired same-sex sex, now had to take some steps himself – somewhere, somehow to get acquainted with someone, to make some hints, veiled demonstrate their “Menshevik” desire.
Goblin did not know how to do this; a couple of times – for the first time in thirty years – he, vaguely hoping to meet the same thirsty person, went to the city bath, and – this did not give him anything: first, the same men as the mature men washed themselves in the bath, and the Goblin the partner presented himself as young, slim, flexible — like “comrade junior lieutenant,” such young and slim, for some reason they didn’t turn out to be in the bath for some reason: either the guys went to the bath at another time, or they didn’t go at all – bathed at home.
and secondly: even if it were.
Well, what to do next –

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how to roll up, offer? That’s it, that Goblin Nikandrovich, who wanted same-sex sex, did not know this – he, Goblin, didn’t have that experience.
and besides, going to the bathhouse alone, the Goblin could not rule out the possibility that he would meet someone of his acquaintances there, and then go and explain what he, having a comfortable apartment, does in a public bath! Cam nude sex.

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